What is Gaslighting? Manipulating someone psychologically into questioning that person’s sanity or reality for power and control.
Why do Emotional Abusers and Narcissists Gaslight? Being right allows them to validate themselves. When gaslighters feel threatened, they need you to believe and support their version of events in order to maintain their sense of power and control.
Example of Gaslighting: You tell the narcissist/emotional abuser you caught them doing something they were intentionally hiding from you. You have the proof and/ or you have seen it with your own eyes. The narcissist tells you, you are wrong, you didn’t really see it and to add insult to the injury, they tell you “It’s all in your head” or “You’re crazy”.
10 Warning Signs Someone is Gaslighting You:
1. They tell you blatant lies
2. Their actions don’t match their words
3. They deny even when you know something is true
4. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition to hurt you or confuse you
5. They wear you down over time and agree to things you know are not right
6. They project their bad behavior onto you and shift blame to you instead
7. They try to align people against you to weaken your stance (The Smear Campaign)
8. They use mind games and manipulations to confuse your reality or perception
9. They make relationships about what they can get – you feel used or drained
10. They express doubts to others about your feelings, behavior, and state of mind
How can you stop a narcissist from gaslighting you? You can’t. This is one of their main tools of manipulation and crazy-making. If you must stay around a narcissist (family or work) or are co-parenting- keep receipts, voicemails, text messages etc. Keep everything on record.
Unconsciously prioritizing a partner’s needs in an unbalanced way. Unhealed empaths can struggle at asserting themselves and oftentimes fear confrontation. Empaths can fall into the people-pleasing trap when they feel being loved is through doing for others.
TIP: Practice asserting yourself when necessary in all areas of your life in a healthy way. Remember that prioritizing your own wants and needs can be healthy in close relationships. In relationships, one person should never dominate.
Getting lost in someone else’s emotions and life while neglecting parts of your needs and your life. Allow people close to you to have their own emotional experience. If a person does not match your level of consciousness – then it’s up to you rather you want to continue being close to that person.
TIP: Even while in relationships, continue to keep and cultivate your own hobbies, interests, friendships etc.
Keeping others a priority when they clearly care less about you. Learn to match other people’s efforts better. Not only can it be less attractive, you will begin to feel your self esteem lower when you keep one-sided relationships. Healing co-dependency is key to healing from emotional or narcissistic abuse.
TIP: Healing narcissistic abuse will allow you to become more self-aware. Be aware of one-sided relationships.
Trying to CHANGE someone else or having toxic hope that you can make someone else change. One thing you will learn about narcissists, they rarely change. Not only that, the longer you stay around and wait for change, the longer you are putting yourself in harms way. Narcissists usually don’t have lasting change and because of their grandiosity- they rarely believe they should change.
TIP: Everyone does not have your kind heart.
Always being the giver and having a hard time being the receiver. Because empaths feel good when others feel good- many times they happily “work” for love. Empaths rarely notice (or mind) relationships where they are putting in the work because they have a good heart and love to see others happy. Unfortunately, this can make abusers (or users) like narcissists take advantage of them.
TIP: Practice being on the receiving end sometimes. Give people a chance to show their appreciation for you.